1. |
Lover Awhile
04:31
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Signals get mixed
Could of sworn that we were clear
But I just couldn’t keep my head from the clouds
I’m backsliding
Into trust-falls in the woods
When there’s no one to hear any sound
Lover awhile
I can’t ask you now to be
Something that we both know that we can’t be
Lover awhile
Don’t want to need you with these needs
So be free, but do come around, if you please
Look at me now
Gone and come so far, indeed
Believe me when I say, I’m improving
But don’t kiss the hook
Still so far from figured out
Not okay – so much as just managing
Lover awhile
I can’t ask you now to see
These scenes as they play out for my unease
Lover awhile
Don’t want to need you with these needs
So please, don’t think of me how I am claiming
Don’t read that text
It was late and there was cheer
And you know how I always get at parties
You’re little black cloud
Kept his head up for one more year!
What a year! Taken my glut and still starving
Lover awhile
I can’t ask you now to be
Something that we both know that we can’t be
Lover awhile
Don’t want to need you with these needs
So be free, but do come around, if you please
If you please... if you please...
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2. |
Rope
02:50
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I have a good plan
I hope you understand
I'm not equipped like I believe
You believe me to be
Jouissance
Measure for measure
Happiness is too much pressure
Kettle whistle
Sassafras tea
It's harder to find but I'm still tryin' it
Dry is the well but deep is the spring
You're one of a kind's kinda at my limit
But give enough rope I keep talking
I want to be present
My heart's a soup stone
Oh, all you bring!
Until I am finally tongue-tied
Affectionate shibari
Evanescent
For granted, stargazer
Emotional labor's still real labor
It shouldn't always be so taxing
It's harder to find but I'm still tryin' it
Dry is the well but deep is the spring
You're one of a kind's kinda at my limit
But give enough rope I keep talking
It's harder to find but I'm still tryin' it
Dry is the well but deep is the spring
You're one of a kind's kinda at my limit
But give enough rope I keep talking
I had a good plan
Please ruin everything
Cars!
Am I like a dog out here, chasing
Afraid of outlasting
Interference
Jaded conjecture
Happiness is too much pressure
Riptides taught me how to breathe
It's harder to find but I'm still tryin' it
Dry is the well but deep is the spring
You're one of a kind's kinda at my limit
But give enough rope I keep talking
It's harder to find but I'm still tryin' it
Dry is the well but deep is the spring
You're one of a kind's kinda at my limit
But give enough rope I keep talking
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3. |
Witch Hazel
03:30
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Working in a dead mall
In a terminal sprawl
Punch your ticket - witch hazel
Go wipe off your service face
Then kick back, play a video game
Feed your gecko crickets
Eat a PB&J
You got through another... and another...
Hey, did you hear?
They cut down the vulture tree
Back home - town
Home - sweet as antifreeze
Nothing's changed quite like the things...
That remain
But, "Prodigal Son"
Whatever you do isn't good enough
To not have to be called by anyone...
"Prodigal Son"
Your cousin used your deadname
Waiting at the train crossing gate
You think about all the boxcars passing...
By the way, Ma said to not be late
And Kyle drown down in the quarry
Your fist kiss is having a baby
She got engaged to your enemy
Oh, high school
No one survived so much as passed on
But "Prodigal Son"
Whatever you do isn't good enough
To not have to be called by anyone
Fuckin' "Prodigal Son"
Pick you up at the Greyhound station
We don't have to talk about
Anything that you don't want
And we don't have to go straight back to your place
I know I need to quit drinking energy drinks
But we could drive around like a Doug Hopkins song
Thought the 20s were bad, maybe our 30s are worse
Can't see any way out now
Why even aim to please the unselfaware?
Or seek for their approval?
We'll always be renters, we'll never own homes
On an ocean of asphalt
Nowhere to bury our pretty bones
But I promise that I'll smuggle your urn
Away from where you were from
Where they dared to call you...
What you are not
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4. |
The Survivors
03:19
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Paint your walls whatever shade you like
Austerity of cool 's a waste of life
I'm out of your heart, now get out of my head
If we're the survivors, then why we playing dead?
There's something to be learned from everyone
Of how to do and what shouldn't be ever done
But I'm tired of stories of knights and princesses
I'm tired of Karens, incels and narcissists
Some kisses feel like seals pressed into wax
Myocolinc falling, under cathode static
I'm out of your heart, now get out of my head
If we're the survivors, then why we playing dead?
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5. |
Static and Snow
06:27
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Hold me
I withdraw so easily
I snag a notion, so fixed
It takes a season to fix me
Can’t tell an ocean… apart from a sea
Fallen, I’m down
So blame the times
The long walk back taken alone
All your love becomes static and snow
Hold me
Just an hour outside this scheme
I don’t want to be touched
But I think I need you to touch me
I’m getting scared that… that I just can’t be
Fallen, I’m down
A second time
Yes, I should know better, but... I don’t know
All your love becomes static and snow
Hold me…
Hold me…
I can’t keep
I can’t keep
I can’t keep on keeping it together
I can’t keep
I can’t keep
I can’t keep on keeping it together
I can’t keep
I can’t keep
I can’t keep on keeping on
It's just me
I know it’s just me
But it’s just me
It is me
Fallen, I’m down
For the third time
So charming, how can’t I be fine?
All your love becomes static and snow
Hold me
I withdraw so easily
Feeling sexless and so cold
In nightmares I grow wings
Cause it’s the kind of cold… only fever brings
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6. |
Grand Guignol
04:03
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So lucky
Some might say
I was dealt my hand
From the bottom of the deck
He suspects that she is blessed
I'm sorry
I've got nothing to say
You say my name
Like it's a novel artifact
She laments, undressing
Big puppet
Big puppet
Foam rubber entrails trailing
She loves it
She loves it
"Encore! Once more with feeling!"
Big puppet
Big puppet
Eyes gouged, all flayed and screaming
She loves it
She loves it
Scapegoats the falling ceiling
Say's, "I don't want to take a wrecking ball to all I got.
I just want to swing a little something from my chain"
"No, I don't want to take a wrecking ball to all I got.
I just want to swing a little something from my chain"
Drink water
Go home, girl
Your wallowing is unbecoming
Of your cultivated cold persona
Infernal machine
Conspires against her from within
Her ideation plays to win
Survivor's guilt
It is a slow, long game
It is a slow, long game
Big puppet
Big puppet
Foam rubber entrails trailing
She loves it
She loves it
Scapegoats the falling ceiling
Big puppet
Big puppet
Eyes gouged, all flayed and screaming
She loves it
She loves it
"Encore! Once more with feeling!"
Saying, "I don't want to take a wrecking ball to all I got.
I just want to swing a little something from my chain"
"No, I don't want to take a wrecking ball to all I got.
I just want to swing a little something from my chain"
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7. |
Reverence
03:26
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This suffering
It makes good content
That wasn't what you said
That wasn't what you meant
When you say,
"I have not words"
Well, have you considered silence?
Maybe this isn't about you
Maybe this isn't about you
Something in the room
Opens like a flower
I am not the center
We are but spectators to this moment
Must you reach to pluck?
Unbearably laid so bear
Can't you stand in reverence?
Sincerity
It get's to you like nettles
Running in place at the crosswalk
All these muddy feelings trip you up
You want a world of asphalt
A place where everyone can take a joke
Everyone...
Something in the room
Opens like a flower
You are not the center
We are but spectators to this moment
Must you reach to pluck?
Unbearably laid so bear
Can't you stand in reverence?
Can't you stand in reverence?
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8. |
Ember
04:37
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I was a red-hot ember
That you held in your bare palm
I tried to become so cold for you
To keep you from harm
I tried to become so cold for you
When all I wanted was to keep you warm
When all I wanted was to keep you warm
Feel like an old steel umbrella
A portable lightening rod
I tried to shield you from the storm
To keep you from harm
I tried to shield you from the storm
But my ways were old and wrong
But my ways were old and wrong
If the world turned you to diamond
I bet you’d dream of being coal
I tried to shine so bright for you
To show you weren’t alone
I tried to shine so bright for you
By burning up all of my heart’s coal
By burning up all of my heart’s coal
Until I was a red-hot ember
That you held in your bare palm
Then I tried to become so cold for you
To keep you from harm
I tried to become so cold for you
When all I wanted was to keep you warm
All I wanted was to keep you warm
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9. |
The Lodge
07:37
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I've always been this way
I've been - a couple months?
Maybe a few years?
I've always been this way
I know what I am doing
Oh, ye of so much faith
Give in
Come give me everything
Give in to all your pain
Listen to promises
I know what I am doing
I've always been this way
I've been - a couple months?
Maybe a few years?
I've always been this way
I know what I am doing
Oh, ye of little faith
You question my ascension
Trust the process
You who aren't yet welcomed to The Lodge
You know only lies!
You haven't transcended
Me, I'm on a higher level
Believe me
You condescend
But I'm the one who's looking down
And you're so small
Come
Give me everything
Give into all your pain and grief
Listen to promises
I know what I'm doing
I've always been this way
I've been - a couple months?
Maybe a few years?
I've always been this way
You do not know
What I have given
Trust the process
Trust their hands
Show your commitment
Trust the deprivation
Learn to indulge in the purge
The release and sense of whole
The sense of purpose
Sense of home
Before, I never really knew
The true sense of having something to lose
The past is dead, I'm a new being
I've always been this way
Painting truth over the ugliness
I know what I'm doing
Come
Give me everything
Give into everything
You who aren't yet welcomed to The Lodge
You are not yet
But you could be
And I will show you
Listen to all I say
Give up every single thing
Give into everything
Your pain and grief
Gibe into hope
Oh, ye of so much faith
I'll show you
How every invisible thing's commodifiable
Every invisible thing's commodifiable
Before, I never really knew
The true sense of having something to lose
Ain't that a kick in the head?
Ain't that a kick in the head?
***
Black Eyed Day (lyrics of background song)
Kill your ego
Kill your ego
By his order, you abide
To kill your ego
Said to kill your ego
But did you mean to kill your pride?
Well, Jane Doe is waiting
She needs a toe tag
She was forgotten along the way
To kill your ego
Kill your ego
You won’t remember the price to pay?
Jenny got caught in a bad religion
He doesn’t list the contents of her new prescription
Jenny got caught in a bad religion
But don’t kill the messenger
I’m just on the sideline watching it all
Don’t kill the messenger
Then they’ll be no one to catch you when you fall
And this time you’re gonna fall
And I’m not the one
Who gave a black eye to your sunny day
Still, if you want me to leave
You know what to say
I’m not the one
Who gave a black eye to your son
Still, if you want me to leave
Well, you’re blocking the way
Jenny got caught in a bad religion
Anomie leads to such cruel addictions
Jenny got caught in a bad religion
Jenny got caught in a bad religion
But don’t kill the messenger
I’m just on the sideline watching it all
I’m no philosopher
But shouldn’t someone try to catch you when you fall?
And this time you’re gonna fall
It’s as clear as day
And I’m not the one
Who gave a black eye to your sunny day
Still, if you want me to leave
You know what to say
I’m not the one
Who gave a black eye to your son
Still, if you want me to leave
Well, you’re blocking the way
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10. |
Lines Have No End
05:31
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Ultimatum
This invisible force excruciates
Inflating the whole room
Into - opposite corners
We slump down on out stools
And spit each other's blood into buckets
How wide and unkind grew your eyes
But now
Where is the applause?
Was there even mention of a prize?
Changed my mind to not let go of you
I know it's not right, but what else can I do?
Feel atop a glass hill like the king of the world
And all I see is everyone I'm not reaching
Honestly
I hope we can live with ourselves
Honestly
I hope we can
You wore the softest cotton
That has ever touched me face
I am trying not to hate myself
We're talking about two different things
I think we're talking about to different things
Collateral
Hallelujah!
She said, "Beginnings?
No, no, no...
Lines they have no end!
Beginnings?
No, no, no..."
"No, no, no..."
I changed my mind to not let go of you
I know it's not right, but what else can I do?
Feel atop a glass hill like the king of the world
And all I see is everyone I'm not reaching
Biding my time to not let go of you
I know it's not right but what else can I do?
From atop a glass hill, like the king of the world
All I see is everyone I'm not reaching
I'm dying inside to not let go of you
If I'm lost and I'm blind, what else can the dark do?
Up atop a glass hill, like the king of the world
And all the king's horses...
Honestly
Hope we can live with ourselves
Honestly
I hope we can
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11. |
To Truly Love
04:38
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Maybe there's a pantheon of archetypes
That made up the first souls
And we're all just pieces of their pieces
All just glitter and tinsel
And every day you walk past the love of your life
From another life, in another
Every day you walk past the love of your life
"A chorus of howling wolves saluted the dawn. I saw them sitting on their haunches, singly and in groups, on the summits of irregular mounds and tumuli filling a half of my desert prospect and extending to the horizon. And then I knew that these were ruins of the ancient and famous city of Carcosa."*
The autumn sky is grieving
I see it through my black veil
To truly love is to know that we all die alone
And to accept it
And every day you walk past the love of your life
From another life, in another
Every day you walk past the love of your life
And every day you walk past the love of your life
From another life, in another
Every day you walk past the love of your life
And every day you walk past the love of your life
From another life, in another
Every day you walk past the love of your life
*From "An Inhabitant of Carcosa" by Ambrose Bierce pub. 1886
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12. |
Jasper Leaves
04:14
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I can't turn magnolias
Into chrysanthemums
Fantasies that you inspire
They are not for you to be
So don't worry
If I smile all the time when you're around
I've got no aspirations
But I don't fare well in the sun
I have found
Oh, please forgive my dreams
As they find me in the shade
Of your jasper leaves
Of your jasper leaves
And I don't know what I've begun
With you now
But I don't want to leave
From fear of feelings bittersweet
Beneath your jasper leaves
Beneath your jasper leaves
Stow your poems in the deep cracks
Spread across your shifting walls
Like the crow, I'll bring baubles
Go on and call me Boo Radley
But don't worry
If I smile all the time when you're around
I've got no expectations
But I don't fare well in the sun
I have found
Oh, please forgive my dreams
As they find me in the shade
Of your jasper leaves
Of your jasper leaves
And I don't know what I've begun
With you now
But I don't want to leave
From fear of feelings bittersweet
Beneath your jasper leaves
Beneath your jasper leaves
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13. |
Borrasca
06:29
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14. |
Strange Optimism
05:38
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I have found
A strange optimism
On the eve of destruction
I am pulled against my self
Until over half the things I’ve said
I want to throw to the flames
Watch this old persona burn
With a smile on my face
When you tell me
That you’re only gonna break my heart
As if I didn’t know that
As if I didn’t know
But honey, don’t ya know?
That for the thousand ways you might find
I’d still find – a way to break it on my own
Cause I’m a do-it-yourself guy
A do-it-yourself girl
Oh… I’m...
A do-it-yourself guy
A do-it-yourself girl
I have found
A strange opposition
It draws me closer every day
Just to drag me along the edge
'Til over half the things I’ve done
I want them lost in the flames
But if it costs your bridge to burn
Just watch me swim back, I'll
Somehow, someway...
You say you’re only gonna break my heart
As if I didn’t know that
As if I didn’t know
But honey, don’t ya know?
That for the thousand ways you might find
I’d still find – a way to break it on my own
Cause I’m a do-it-yourself guy
I'm a do-it-yourself girl
Oh… I'm...
A do-it-yourself guy
A do-it-yourself girl
But sometimes... why?
Why must I break everything alone?
Cause I’m a do-it-yourself guy
I'm a do-it-yourself girl
Oh… I'm...
A do-it-yourself guy
A do-it-yourself girl
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Cory Capron Charlottesville, Virginia
I got into electronic music by accident when a theater production needed some sound effects. Self-taught, working mostly with an antiquated version of Garageband, and various broken things.... I find myself after a decade of homemade albums, scores for theater, and other wanderings, still without a clue what I'm doing, but still doing it. ... more
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