Signals get mixed Could of sworn that we were clear But I just couldn’t keep my head from the clouds I’m backsliding Into trust-falls in the woods When there’s no one to hear any sound Lover awhile I can’t ask you now to be Something that we both know that we can’t be Lover awhile Don’t want to need you with these needs So be free, but do come around, if you please Look at me now Gone and come so far, indeed Believe me when I say, I’m improving But don’t kiss the hook Still so far from figured out Not okay – so much as just managing Lover awhile I can’t ask you now to see These scenes as they play out for my unease Lover awhile Don’t want to need you with these needs So please, don’t think of me how I am claiming Don’t read that text It was late and there was cheer And you know how I always get at parties You’re little black cloud Kept his head up for one more year! What a year! Taken my glut and still starving Lover awhile I can’t ask you now to be Something that we both know that we can’t be Lover awhile Don’t want to need you with these needs So be free, but do come around, if you please If you please... if you please...

I have a good plan I hope you understand I'm not equipped like I believe You believe me to be Jouissance Measure for measure Happiness is too much pressure Kettle whistle Sassafras tea It's harder to find but I'm still tryin' it Dry is the well but deep is the spring You're one of a kind's kinda at my limit But give enough rope I keep talking I want to be present My heart's a soup stone Oh, all you bring! Until I am finally tongue-tied Affectionate shibari Evanescent For granted, stargazer Emotional labor's still real labor It shouldn't always be so taxing It's harder to find but I'm still tryin' it Dry is the well but deep is the spring You're one of a kind's kinda at my limit But give enough rope I keep talking It's harder to find but I'm still tryin' it Dry is the well but deep is the spring You're one of a kind's kinda at my limit But give enough rope I keep talking I had a good plan Please ruin everything Cars! Am I like a dog out here, chasing Afraid of outlasting Interference Jaded conjecture Happiness is too much pressure Riptides taught me how to breathe It's harder to find but I'm still tryin' it Dry is the well but deep is the spring You're one of a kind's kinda at my limit But give enough rope I keep talking It's harder to find but I'm still tryin' it Dry is the well but deep is the spring You're one of a kind's kinda at my limit But give enough rope I keep talking

Working in a dead mall In a terminal sprawl Punch your ticket - witch hazel Go wipe off your service face Then kick back, play a video game Feed your gecko crickets Eat a PB&J You got through another... and another... Hey, did you hear? They cut down the vulture tree Back home - town Home - sweet as antifreeze Nothing's changed quite like the things... That remain But, "Prodigal Son" Whatever you do isn't good enough To not have to be called by anyone... "Prodigal Son" Your cousin used your deadname Waiting at the train crossing gate You think about all the boxcars passing... By the way, Ma said to not be late And Kyle drown down in the quarry Your fist kiss is having a baby She got engaged to your enemy Oh, high school No one survived so much as passed on But "Prodigal Son" Whatever you do isn't good enough To not have to be called by anyone Fuckin' "Prodigal Son" Pick you up at the Greyhound station We don't have to talk about Anything that you don't want And we don't have to go straight back to your place I know I need to quit drinking energy drinks But we could drive around like a Doug Hopkins song Thought the 20s were bad, maybe our 30s are worse Can't see any way out now Why even aim to please the unselfaware? Or seek for their approval? We'll always be renters, we'll never own homes On an ocean of asphalt Nowhere to bury our pretty bones But I promise that I'll smuggle your urn Away from where you were from Where they dared to call you... What you are not

Paint your walls whatever shade you like Austerity of cool 's a waste of life I'm out of your heart, now get out of my head If we're the survivors, then why we playing dead? There's something to be learned from everyone Of how to do and what shouldn't be ever done But I'm tired of stories of knights and princesses I'm tired of Karens, incels and narcissists Some kisses feel like seals pressed into wax Myocolinc falling, under cathode static I'm out of your heart, now get out of my head If we're the survivors, then why we playing dead?

Hold me I withdraw so easily I snag a notion, so fixed It takes a season to fix me Can’t tell an ocean… apart from a sea Fallen, I’m down So blame the times The long walk back taken alone All your love becomes static and snow Hold me Just an hour outside this scheme I don’t want to be touched But I think I need you to touch me I’m getting scared that… that I just can’t be Fallen, I’m down A second time Yes, I should know better, but... I don’t know All your love becomes static and snow Hold me… Hold me… I can’t keep I can’t keep I can’t keep on keeping it together I can’t keep I can’t keep I can’t keep on keeping it together I can’t keep I can’t keep I can’t keep on keeping on It's just me I know it’s just me But it’s just me It is me Fallen, I’m down For the third time So charming, how can’t I be fine? All your love becomes static and snow Hold me I withdraw so easily Feeling sexless and so cold In nightmares I grow wings Cause it’s the kind of cold… only fever brings

So lucky Some might say I was dealt my hand From the bottom of the deck He suspects that she is blessed I'm sorry I've got nothing to say You say my name Like it's a novel artifact She laments, undressing Big puppet Big puppet Foam rubber entrails trailing She loves it She loves it "Encore! Once more with feeling!" Big puppet Big puppet Eyes gouged, all flayed and screaming She loves it She loves it Scapegoats the falling ceiling Say's, "I don't want to take a wrecking ball to all I got. I just want to swing a little something from my chain" "No, I don't want to take a wrecking ball to all I got. I just want to swing a little something from my chain" Drink water Go home, girl Your wallowing is unbecoming Of your cultivated cold persona Infernal machine Conspires against her from within Her ideation plays to win Survivor's guilt It is a slow, long game It is a slow, long game Big puppet Big puppet Foam rubber entrails trailing She loves it She loves it Scapegoats the falling ceiling Big puppet Big puppet Eyes gouged, all flayed and screaming She loves it She loves it "Encore! Once more with feeling!" Saying, "I don't want to take a wrecking ball to all I got. I just want to swing a little something from my chain" "No, I don't want to take a wrecking ball to all I got. I just want to swing a little something from my chain"

This suffering It makes good content That wasn't what you said That wasn't what you meant When you say, "I have not words" Well, have you considered silence? Maybe this isn't about you Maybe this isn't about you Something in the room Opens like a flower I am not the center We are but spectators to this moment Must you reach to pluck? Unbearably laid so bear Can't you stand in reverence? Sincerity It get's to you like nettles Running in place at the crosswalk All these muddy feelings trip you up You want a world of asphalt A place where everyone can take a joke Everyone... Something in the room Opens like a flower You are not the center We are but spectators to this moment Must you reach to pluck? Unbearably laid so bear Can't you stand in reverence? Can't you stand in reverence?

I was a red-hot ember That you held in your bare palm I tried to become so cold for you To keep you from harm I tried to become so cold for you When all I wanted was to keep you warm When all I wanted was to keep you warm Feel like an old steel umbrella A portable lightening rod I tried to shield you from the storm To keep you from harm I tried to shield you from the storm But my ways were old and wrong But my ways were old and wrong If the world turned you to diamond I bet you’d dream of being coal I tried to shine so bright for you To show you weren’t alone I tried to shine so bright for you By burning up all of my heart’s coal By burning up all of my heart’s coal Until I was a red-hot ember That you held in your bare palm Then I tried to become so cold for you To keep you from harm I tried to become so cold for you When all I wanted was to keep you warm All I wanted was to keep you warm

I've always been this way I've been - a couple months? Maybe a few years? I've always been this way I know what I am doing Oh, ye of so much faith Give in Come give me everything Give in to all your pain Listen to promises I know what I am doing I've always been this way I've been - a couple months? Maybe a few years? I've always been this way I know what I am doing Oh, ye of little faith You question my ascension Trust the process You who aren't yet welcomed to The Lodge You know only lies! You haven't transcended Me, I'm on a higher level Believe me You condescend But I'm the one who's looking down And you're so small Come Give me everything Give into all your pain and grief Listen to promises I know what I'm doing I've always been this way I've been - a couple months? Maybe a few years? I've always been this way You do not know What I have given Trust the process Trust their hands Show your commitment Trust the deprivation Learn to indulge in the purge The release and sense of whole The sense of purpose Sense of home Before, I never really knew The true sense of having something to lose The past is dead, I'm a new being I've always been this way Painting truth over the ugliness I know what I'm doing Come Give me everything Give into everything You who aren't yet welcomed to The Lodge You are not yet But you could be And I will show you Listen to all I say Give up every single thing Give into everything Your pain and grief Gibe into hope Oh, ye of so much faith I'll show you How every invisible thing's commodifiable Every invisible thing's commodifiable Before, I never really knew The true sense of having something to lose Ain't that a kick in the head? Ain't that a kick in the head? *** Black Eyed Day (lyrics of background song) Kill your ego Kill your ego By his order, you abide To kill your ego Said to kill your ego But did you mean to kill your pride? Well, Jane Doe is waiting She needs a toe tag She was forgotten along the way To kill your ego Kill your ego You won’t remember the price to pay? Jenny got caught in a bad religion He doesn’t list the contents of her new prescription Jenny got caught in a bad religion But don’t kill the messenger I’m just on the sideline watching it all Don’t kill the messenger Then they’ll be no one to catch you when you fall And this time you’re gonna fall And I’m not the one Who gave a black eye to your sunny day Still, if you want me to leave You know what to say I’m not the one Who gave a black eye to your son Still, if you want me to leave Well, you’re blocking the way Jenny got caught in a bad religion Anomie leads to such cruel addictions Jenny got caught in a bad religion Jenny got caught in a bad religion But don’t kill the messenger I’m just on the sideline watching it all I’m no philosopher But shouldn’t someone try to catch you when you fall? And this time you’re gonna fall It’s as clear as day And I’m not the one Who gave a black eye to your sunny day Still, if you want me to leave You know what to say I’m not the one Who gave a black eye to your son Still, if you want me to leave Well, you’re blocking the way

Ultimatum This invisible force excruciates Inflating the whole room Into - opposite corners We slump down on out stools And spit each other's blood into buckets How wide and unkind grew your eyes But now Where is the applause? Was there even mention of a prize? Changed my mind to not let go of you I know it's not right, but what else can I do? Feel atop a glass hill like the king of the world And all I see is everyone I'm not reaching Honestly I hope we can live with ourselves Honestly I hope we can You wore the softest cotton That has ever touched me face I am trying not to hate myself We're talking about two different things I think we're talking about to different things Collateral Hallelujah! She said, "Beginnings? No, no, no... Lines they have no end! Beginnings? No, no, no..." "No, no, no..." I changed my mind to not let go of you I know it's not right, but what else can I do? Feel atop a glass hill like the king of the world And all I see is everyone I'm not reaching Biding my time to not let go of you I know it's not right but what else can I do? From atop a glass hill, like the king of the world All I see is everyone I'm not reaching I'm dying inside to not let go of you If I'm lost and I'm blind, what else can the dark do? Up atop a glass hill, like the king of the world And all the king's horses... Honestly Hope we can live with ourselves Honestly I hope we can

Maybe there's a pantheon of archetypes That made up the first souls And we're all just pieces of their pieces All just glitter and tinsel And every day you walk past the love of your life From another life, in another Every day you walk past the love of your life "A chorus of howling wolves saluted the dawn. I saw them sitting on their haunches, singly and in groups, on the summits of irregular mounds and tumuli filling a half of my desert prospect and extending to the horizon. And then I knew that these were ruins of the ancient and famous city of Carcosa."* The autumn sky is grieving I see it through my black veil To truly love is to know that we all die alone And to accept it And every day you walk past the love of your life From another life, in another Every day you walk past the love of your life And every day you walk past the love of your life From another life, in another Every day you walk past the love of your life And every day you walk past the love of your life From another life, in another Every day you walk past the love of your life *From "An Inhabitant of Carcosa" by Ambrose Bierce pub. 1886

I can't turn magnolias Into chrysanthemums Fantasies that you inspire They are not for you to be So don't worry If I smile all the time when you're around I've got no aspirations But I don't fare well in the sun I have found Oh, please forgive my dreams As they find me in the shade Of your jasper leaves Of your jasper leaves And I don't know what I've begun With you now But I don't want to leave From fear of feelings bittersweet Beneath your jasper leaves Beneath your jasper leaves Stow your poems in the deep cracks Spread across your shifting walls Like the crow, I'll bring baubles Go on and call me Boo Radley But don't worry If I smile all the time when you're around I've got no expectations But I don't fare well in the sun I have found Oh, please forgive my dreams As they find me in the shade Of your jasper leaves Of your jasper leaves And I don't know what I've begun With you now But I don't want to leave From fear of feelings bittersweet Beneath your jasper leaves Beneath your jasper leaves

I have found A strange optimism On the eve of destruction I am pulled against my self Until over half the things I’ve said I want to throw to the flames Watch this old persona burn With a smile on my face When you tell me That you’re only gonna break my heart As if I didn’t know that As if I didn’t know But honey, don’t ya know? That for the thousand ways you might find I’d still find – a way to break it on my own Cause I’m a do-it-yourself guy A do-it-yourself girl Oh… I’m... A do-it-yourself guy A do-it-yourself girl I have found A strange opposition It draws me closer every day Just to drag me along the edge 'Til over half the things I’ve done I want them lost in the flames But if it costs your bridge to burn Just watch me swim back, I'll Somehow, someway... You say you’re only gonna break my heart As if I didn’t know that As if I didn’t know But honey, don’t ya know? That for the thousand ways you might find I’d still find – a way to break it on my own Cause I’m a do-it-yourself guy I'm a do-it-yourself girl Oh… I'm... A do-it-yourself guy A do-it-yourself girl But sometimes... why? Why must I break everything alone? Cause I’m a do-it-yourself guy I'm a do-it-yourself girl Oh… I'm... A do-it-yourself guy A do-it-yourself girl